Check out funny birthday Jokes and make your dearest on happy on this special day.
Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, “A bottle of wine?”
His employees replied, “No.”
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. “A bottle of scotch?”
His employees replied again, “No.”
Finally, the boss asked, “I give up. What is it?”
His workers responded, “A puppy.”
Table of Contents
The Power of Prayer
Little Jimmy was shouting out a prayer for his birthday. “Please God, all I want for my birthday is a new X-Box. Thank you.”
His mom walked in and said, “Jimmy, why all the shouting? God isn’t deaf.”
“I know,” said Jimmy. “But Grandpa is.”
Funny Birthday Jokes Ideas
The Boss birthday jokes for friends
Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, “A bottle of wine?” His employees replied, “No.” Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. “A bottle of scotch?” “His employees replied again, “No.” Finally, the boss asked, “I give up. What is it?” His workers responded, “A puppy.”
Blow Out The Candles
Patient: Doctor, I get a strong stinging feeling in my eyes every time I eat a birthday cake.”
Doctor: Next time, blow out the candles.
Birthday Shopping
A husband and his wife were out shopping. The wife suddenly remembered that her mother’s birthday was coming up. She said,
“Honey, can we look around for a birthday present for mom? She wants something electric.”
The husband replied, “Sure, honey. How about a chair?”
Surprise!
Boyfriend: How come you didn’t get me a present for my birthday?!
Girlfriend: Well, you did tell me to surprise you.
Birthday Gift
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. “Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.” So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Birthday Disappointment
Because it was my brother’s birthday, our mom wanted to do something special. She called his fraternity house and said she wanted to bring a cake. The young man who took the call was very excited. “Hey, Mrs. Schaeffer,” he said, “that would be great!”
The next day she drove to the fraternity and rang the doorbell. The same boy answered the door. When he saw the cake, his face fell. “Oh,” he said, clearly disappointed. “I thought you said ‘keg.’ “funny birthday jokes
Birthday Planning
A few months before his sixtieth birthday, George began planning his party. He called up his 3
0-year-old daughter for some help.
“Why don’t you invite all your old high school buddies?” she asked. “That could be a lot of fun.”
“I’d like to bring all my high school buddies to the party,” said George, “but I don’t want to get arrested.”
His daughter laughed. “Why would you get arrested for bringing your high school buddies to your birthday party?”
“Don’t you know?” asked George. “Grave robbing is a crime.”
Bathroom Scale
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. “Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.” So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Bad Words
The young parents were concerned because their son, Jimmy, had begun using unkind words the funny birthday jokes for friends he learned in school.
One day, the mother overheard Jimmy calling his sister a “stupid head.”
“Jimmy,” she said. “Your birthday is next week. Your father and I bought five presents for you. From now on, every time you use a bad word I’m going to take one of the presents away.”
“That’s stupid,” said Jimmy.
“O.K., young man,” said the mother, “you just lost one of your presents. Now you only have four. What do you have to say for yourself?”
“If I tell you the sentence I’m thinking of right now,” said Jimmy, “I’ll lose the other four.”
Funny Birthday Jokes For Friends
Teapot
Little Johnny: Mom, do you know what I’m going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, dear, what?
Little Johnny: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I’ve got a nice teapot.
Little Johnny: No you haven’t. I’ve just dropped it.
New Truck
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new car for weeks.
He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”
So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
100th Birthday
It was Grandpa Jones’ 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party, he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit.
He explained, “I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I’ve been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years.”
“How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?” we asked.
“It’s simple,” he said. “When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk.”
Loaf Of Breadbirthday jokes for friends
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
“Excuse me for disturbing you, ma’am,” he said politely, “but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I’ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread.”
“That’s right.”
“Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake.”
“Well, today is his birthday.”
Size 10
A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then the were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?” One eye opened and she groaned, “Actually, honey, I meant dress size!
Situps
“Look at ME!!” boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 situps before a group of young people.
“Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after loose women!!”
He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, “And tomorrow — tomorrow, I’m going to celebrate my -90th- birthday!!”
“Oh, really?” drawled one of the young onlookers, “How?”
More Funny Birthday Jokes
Q: Why couldn’t prehistoric man send birthday cards?
A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks!
Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
A: Because it was marble cake!
Q: What does a clam do on his birthday?
A: He shellabrates!
Q: What party game do rabbits like to play?
A: Musical Hares!
Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? funny birthday jokes 2
A: Mice cream and cake!
Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
A: In a cat-alogue!
Q: Why did everyone hide from Sue on her birthday?
A: Because they wanted her to be Sue-prised!
Q: What is the meaning of a true friend?
A: One who remembers your birthday but not your age!
Q: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A: Thanks. I’ll never part with it!
Q: Why are birthday’s good for you?
A: Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest!
Q: What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
A: “What’s eating you?”
Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
A: When it’s been sliced.
Q: What do you give nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!
Q: Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
A: It was icing on the cake.
Q: What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
A: You can have your cake and eat it too.
Q: Did you hear about the dancer’s birthday?
A: It was a tappy one!
